Total Truth Thursdays 09 | Expectations

May 1, 2014

Welcome to our ninth Total Truth Thursday! If you wrote and linked up for last week, Kirsten and I want to apologize for dropping the ball on the link-up! I was out of town helping my dad after he had surgery and Kirsten and her sweet little boy had the stomach flu! It was rough, but we're back this week and ready to go! If you wrote a post for last week's free vent, go ahead and link it up on today's link-up so we can all catch up on it!
Before we dive in and link up, here are a few reminders for anyone new:
1 // You can find the list of topics for each week HERE 
2 // Kindness is key.Whether you follow the topics for each week or come up with something on your own, please remember that others may or may not agree with you, and you may or may not agree with them! Disagreements are natural, passionate opinions are welcomed, and constructive feedback is fine. However, we won’t put up with rudeness, ugliness, or name-calling. Just be nice! 
3 // To link-up, please follow Hey Kelsea Rae & These Moments Called Life on Bloglovin’ or GFC and copy and paste the button code to your post somewhere! We are so excited to get started!

Today's topic is expectations.
I've always been a people pleaser. The thought of someone being mad at me or disappointed in me used to keep me up at night, and I was usually willing to do whatever it took to make things better, even if it wasn't necessarily my fault. I've always wanted to make the people in my life proud of me, but even more than that I wanted their admiration. I think that is normal. But for me, it could easily get out of hand.

Not only did/do I struggle with wanting to please people, but there were and still are people in my life who seem to have had or have lofty expectations for me. Talk about a bad combination! I still wonder which came first, the pleasing or the expectations?! Some of these expectations came from people in my church- I was supposed to go to bible college and be a pastor's wife. Other expectations came from people in my extended family- I was supposed to get multiple advanced degrees, have a high-paying career, and be a world-renowned musician. 

So what happened when I didn't go to bible college, didn't marry a pastor, didn't get a Phd, didn't start my own business, and didn't become the next Carrie Underwood? I felt like the world's biggest disappointment. That's a terrible feeling, especially for someone who cares so much about what everyone else thinks. 

I've had a hard time the past few years trying to work past the feeling that I'm a let down to those around me. I got a big, healthy reality check, especially when I decided to stay at home with Noah. In fact, motherhood in general seems to have put this all in perspective for me. The process of becoming a mother motivated me to make strong decisions for my birth, our child, and family, even if others didn't understand or agree, and helped me realize several things.

I realized that pleasing others at the expense of what my heart is telling me is never worth it. I realized that the worth and importance of what I've decided to do with my life  isn't dependent on what someone else thinks about it. I realized that it is impossible, as well as unhealthy, to please every single person in my life. I need to do what I feel is right and what I feel called to do and let others deal with how they feel about it on their own. I am not responsible for their feelings. 

Talk about a freeing experience! Because I'm confident in what I am doing with my life, I can let go of those expectations from others and the disappointing feelings that came from not meeting them. I now refuse to allow others to define my life by whether I met their expectations for me or not. 

What about you? Did/do you have high expectations put on you by others? How do you handle it? 

Alright, it’s your turn! Grab the button below and link up your Total Truth! Also, use the hashtag #totaltruththursdays to share on Instagram and Twitter!

Next week is our last link-up! We are so thrilled that we've had participants and have had a wonderful time learning from all of you and getting to know you better. Next week the topic is money, so plan to link-up with us to send this Total Truth Thursday series out with a bang! See you then! 

3 comments:

  1. Gosh, I can totally relate. I was never really a people pleaser until recently moving and getting ready to get married. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. My parents were and are so good about not putting expectations on us as far as what we want to be and do with our lives. Yes, they expect us to be respectful and not get hooked on drugs, but as far as what college we went to, what we majored, in and what jobs we took, I have never felt like there were set expectations I had to fall into. They are proud of us no matter what. I really have (in my opinion) the best family ever :)

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  3. I definitely feel a little pressure from people in my life to go in a certain direction now that I'm switching jobs. It's hard, and I'm struggling with being a people pleaser. You brought up some really good points, though. Choosing what I feel CALLED to do instead of what "makes sense" to those people in my life who want me to go in a different direction.

    I love your honesty and openness, girl. Thanks so much for sharing part of your heart. :)

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