#ootd & A letter to my newlywed self.

Oct 23, 2013

Two weekend ago M's parents kept Noah while he and I hate a date. And not just dinner five minutes away. This was a date date. We went to Nashville, ate a delicious dinner, drank a quart of Sangria each, had wonderful conversation, and ended the night with a movie. We had such a good time. I made us promise to each other that we wouldn't go this long again without one.

I had fun getting dressed, too. Now that I've lost some weight, my clothes fit better and shopping isn't so frustrating. Earlier that week I had found some cute tops at Goody's (of all places- the only department-like store in our town without going to Nashville), and I was excited to wear one. The weather was still warm, so I ditched the heels for some sandals. Consider this my version of #ootd..."outfit of the date"!
 Speaking of date nights, M & I had a little date-night-in (post to come!) over the weekend, chatting outside by the fire after Noah had gone to bed. We ended up talking about our marriage, comparing the first year and half to now. It's only been two and a half years since we've been married, although we've been together for ten. With the kind of perspective that all we've been through in our life together brings, we were able to admit that it's SO much better now. And then of course, we agreed through the list of whys. And that list got me thinking about all the things I wish I could go back and say to my newlywed self. Here's some of what I'd say...

Dear Kelsea,

You're probably still reeling from the wedding and walking down the aisle to your man and feeling pretty in your dress and the honeymoon and moving and getting a job and all the rest of the amazing things that come with starting your life with someone. If only you knew the ringers you've got coming. Here are a few things you should probably take my advice on...

1. Stop focusing on all the ways Michael can love you, and just focus on loving him.
If you spend all your time dreaming about all the ways he should be loving you, you're going to be disappointed, and you'll miss out on all the ways he is showing you love.

2. He's not perfect. Stop expecting him to be. 
He's going to mess up sometimes. He'll hurt your feelings and make you mad and occasionally get on your nerves. And that's okay. You won't feel those things forever. Most likely they'll be gone just as quickly as they came, or at least with a good night's sleep. That's the beauty of marriage..you choose to love and commit anyways, knowing that love is there, even when those other feelings cloud it out for a little.

3. Speak positively ten times more than you do negatively.
 Sure, it's healthy to tell him when he's hurt you and what he's done. Do that. But if that's the only thing he hears from you, it will wear him down. He needs to hear when you're proud of him, when you're appreciative of his hard work, when you admire the way he can fix anything and knows just about anything, or when you think his butt looks sexy in those jeans. He needs to hear all of that way more often than he does the things you think is wrong with him.

There will be times you're angry, disappointed, deeply hurt, and yep, you'll even question your sanity when you thought this was a good idea. You won't always admire everything he does, but you'll have moments in which he does something that reminds you of why you love him in the first place. You're going to watch him grow, watch him change, watch as he becomes an amazing daddy, and life will ebb and flow.

Remember- life won't be perfect, marriage is crazy hard, love is worth it. 

Love, 
A slightly wiser yourself 

What about you? What are some things you wish you could go back and tell the you of the past?  

13 comments:

  1. Love this! I'm a newlywed now, and I think it already rings true for me. Great reminder, first thing in the morning :)

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  2. "stop focusing on all the ways he can love you, and start loving him."

    i needed this. my newlywed self needed it! that's a good word. thank you!!!


    xx
    elise

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  3. Kelsea omg girl this is such a great reminder! I'm a newlywed too and it's hard sometimes not to dwell on the times when he disappoints me and to remember to tell him how great I think he is more often than I say "can you please do the dishes?!" lol

    thanks for the reminder girl :)

    -Katelyn

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  4. Wonderful letter. And you look amazing...are you sure you actually had a baby? :)

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  5. I always think it would be so much easier if I could just go through past life experience with the knowledge and insight I now have...however, the hard truth is that we wouldn't have to wisdom without going through tough experiences--and this kind of wisdom is worth it! :)

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  6. How fun!
    I totally know what you mean about Goody's though. I live in a small town where that and a super Walmart are about as good as it gets within 45 minutes. Glad you found a super cute outfit for your date!

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  7. True to all of these. I would probably include-Sit down and read the 5 Love Languages early on. Then make a list of what would make you feel special that your spouse can do for you and vice versa. It's amazing to me how often not communicating about what we really NEED made us on edge and fight.

    The other thing is to remember not to compare your relationship and where you're at in life to other couples. You will always let yourself down.

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  8. Thanks for sharing this Kelsea! I've only been married 6 months now and can already see how true what you posted is. Got to put the focus on making him happy and less on the "why isn't he doing...?" Makes life so much happier for everyone!

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  9. You look awesome! I love that ring. Thanks for sharing your letter. I completely agree :)

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  10. Gorgeous outfit! Tres chic! X

    http://hipslikecinders.blogspot.co.uk

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  11. Fun ootd! Was Michael a willing photographer, or did someone else help you out? Love your letter. :) All of it is so very, very true!

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  12. Thank you so much for sharing this! I've been married all of 4 months, so essentially I have no idea what I'm doing, but am learning more every day! Love the little pieces of advice you gave yourself. All things I need to remember!

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  13. Okay, I just found this post and I have to say--this is such great advice! Especially the first one. I think sometimes I focus way too much on how Eric is loving me, when I should be striving to love him as best I can. It's crazy how that switch in mindset can completely change the dynamics :) Thanks for sharing this!

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