As I previously mentioned, I've been in Virginia with our family for almost three weeks. Michael was with us the first week, then left to work night shift out of town. It's just been Noah and me and we've only got a few days left. We've had some extra time with family and friends and enjoyed the comforts of home.
This little vacation came at a moment in our lives when we've been faced with some changes concerning Michael's job. We found out we'll be moving to Knoxville, but the details have been a bit up in the air the last four weeks. I'm a go-getter and once we found out we were moving we met with the realtor and were ready to get our house on the market. However, it's been a month and we've been at a stand still. It's been on, then off, then on again and we still don't have answers. I've really had to take a step back, surrender the timing to God, and try to enjoy life in the now.
I'm loving being a mom to Noah. He is such a joy and I feel thankful every single day that I am able to stay at home with him. He's growing so much and I'm growing right along with him, learning more about myself with each day and challenge. It hasn't been easy emotionally. I've always struggled a bit with anxiety, but it's been a lot worse since we had Noah. I don't stay home alone overnight, I don't sleep well because of all the things on my mind, and I have struggled with just feeling plain sad most of the time. I'm working through it at a snail's pace, but I know at the very core of my being, even in the middle of doubts and fears, that there is a reason for life and all of the things that accompany it, easy or hard.
It's been amazing to see Michael come alive as a dad and more recently, Noah fall in love even more with his daddy. Michael's love for Noah is so evident and it warms my heart. He is such a big help and is all in, every day. My day is complete when these two are home together and in my arms.
There have been other challenges lately, ones through which I've sat and asked God what He was doing, and why I've had to deal with this. I've struggled with what "God's will" really means, and the impact of decisions I've made. There have been spiritual droughts, during which I've prayed and felt like my prayers hit the ceiling, bounced back, and mocked me. I won't go into details, but through it there have been days I've cried and sweated and worked, and other days I've just wanted to throw up my hands and give up. I know we all go through the valleys in life, and I'm in mine.
As to not end on a sour note (because who wants an ending like that?), I will say I've really enjoyed getting back into blogging these past few months. It's been my calm at the end of a crazy day- the place I retreat to when the rest of the house is asleep and share my heart in whatever way I need. I've met so many great women through this and have some who have become friends. I've also enjoyed spending time with a sweet friend at home and trying to take advantage of our time left together before we move! I've also cut out sugar and changed my eating habits and have lost a total of 14 pounds in the last month. It's been such a confidence booster. I feel better physically and clothes actually fit and are comfortable. I'm excited to keep it up and reach my goal. I've allowed myself one cheat a week and it's helped me not go crazy!
Valley or mountain, I always have something to be thankful for and feel blessed with each day I'm given to be with my family and experience Grace. We have an exciting next few months coming up. While we don't know details, we do know where we'll be and it's thrilling to be able to dream as a family and plan for long term. We love where we'll be moving and I feel hope when I think about what the future holds for us.