I started out as a music major in college. When I decided to go a different direction my sophomore year, I chose Psychology with the intent of not stopping until I had obtained my Master's Degree in counseling. My last year of college was the hardest I had ever worked in school. It felt like I finally had a focus for the future and I was working to bring my gpa up while also working part time to gain experience in the field.
I studied hard, took the GRE, was proud of my score, and began applying to grad school programs. Because I was trying to graduate early, I was taking 21 credits during my last semester so I didn't have to take biology, my only class left, during the summer. I took 18 credits at my college, and the last 3 at the community college in the same town. It was an awful class and between the load I was taking and working, I had little motivation or energy left to put into this biology class.
I thought it would be a breeze, but little by little, I let myself get behind and ended up failing the class. I was mortified. Here I was, about to officially graduate college with the transfer of one class. Now I would have to spend my summer retaking the terrible class instead of taking a nice break like I had planned. Meanwhile, I had interviewed and been accepted to every single graduate program I had applied to and had made my decision. I got my own apartment in that little town and planned to start the program in the fall.
That summer, I signed up for the biology class and was able to transfer my job to the local office. That job's hours didn't cut it, though, so I was forced to take a retail job and a third job babysitting some during the week. I was all prepared to pass this class, transfer it to my college, get my official diploma, and start grad school. Also, I had been applying and interviewing for degree-specific jobs all summer and had several offers pending my diploma.
This is where I'll get honest with you instead of telling you I was just busy....I slacked. I just knew this class would be a breeze. And you know what? I failed. Again. By this time, my self-esteem was at an all time low. Here I was, an accomplished student with drive and ingenuity, and I couldn't even seem to pass a 200 level biology class.I decided to use my last resort- taking a competency test at the local higher education center. If I passed, I wouldn't be required to take biology and would finally be able to get my diploma. This would mean I could start grad school and accept one of the jobs I'd been offered.
I studied my butt off. I remember clicking submit on the test and going to the moderator for my score. 1 point. Literally, one point away from passing. I think I probably cried in my car for an hour before leaving the parking lot. I was devastated.
After recovering, taking a deep breath, and coping with the situation, I went home, signed up for my third biology class online. I had to email my advisor and let her know that grad school was on hold for now. And no, I did not share my embarrassing story with her! I continued working three jobs, lived in my adorable downtown apartment, and finally, praise Jesus, passed that stupid, ridiculous biology class.
During all of this, Michael and I got engaged and he was finishing up his last semester of his engineering degree. He attended a job fair and through a combination of his hard work and the grace of God, was offered his current job. Because of that, I had to turn down one of the job offers I could finally accept because we would be moving. We moved, I finally got one job and I recovered from that crazy, up and down year.It took me awhile to work through this turn in my life. I struggled between thoughts of "God's will" and my personal responsibility, and the only thing that I could come up with is that it worked out......how it worked out. And I had to get to a place where I was okay with that.
I often think about what would had happened had things been different. If I had passed that first semester, I would have probably had to uproot in the middle of my grad school career when we had to move. I probably would have been working, making more money than my three jobs combined, but would not have been met with an opportunity to learn humility or know what it truly felt like to surrender the unknown to Jesus. So although life took a turn that I wasn't expecting, and one that was honestly a bit mortifying, I'm here now- this is where I'm supposed to be and I wouldn't be exactly here without the detour.