It's so interesting how just a mere almost eight months can change a mama. I feel like his birth day was so long ago. This has been an amazing adventure and one that is just getting started. I've learned so much by just being and doing. I've learned from my own mom, other mamas, observing, taking it in, pushing it away when needed, whatever it was at the time.
I feel like I'm settling into my mama groove. I'm getting comfortable in my own skin and it feels good. Although I feel I was pretty knowledgeable when Noah was born, I had no idea how much he would steal my heart and just how much perspective he would bring to life. At first, I was hormonal, insecure, and behind my facade of confidence was a mama who knew how she wanted to be a mama, but was nervous about it.
Somewhere between then and now, I've faced moments in which I've had to decide, commit, and speak out. I've also had moments where I've realized what is important to me as a mama and what wasn't worth getting upset about.
I was nervous to breastfeed in public. Now I feel at ease feeding my baby whenever and wherever he needs. Breastfeeding is a precious, precious thing to me and I truly enjoy every single chance I get to nurse my sweet boy.
I've made bold statements about things and people and decisions. Now I know things aren't always so black and white.
I had researched until I was blue in the face and made decisions for my sweet boy based on what I felt was the best. I was nervous about the criticism I might face. Now, over time, I'm confident we've made the right decisions and don't let others influence me otherwise.
I knew I wanted to keep my baby close and baby-wearing is important to me. I felt guilty if I put him in the stroller rather than wear him. Now I realize the value of balance and that our attachment isn't tarnished by a few rides in the stroller.
I knew I wanted to have a relaxed way of approaching things and when Noah hated his crib, I was nervous to co-sleep because of the negative feedback I might get. Now I'm confident in our decision, any feedback doesn't bother me, and we are a happy, well-rested, co-sleeping family.
I knew the way I wanted to introduce foods and how long I want to breastfeed, but felt anxiety when it would come up in conversation. Now I know enough and am confident enough that I don't take it personally when someone has questions.
There were things I thought were important, that now I realize we can do without. I started out feeling absolutely sure that there was a right and wrong way to all this. Now I give myself grace and patience and extend that to others, too.
A good mama is one who does the best she can with what she knows.
As I learn more about the decisions I'm faced with and ask God for wisdom, I grow confident in my ability to choose what I feel is best for my family. I'm thankful for wise mamas all around me that challenge me, encourage me, and mostly inspire me. I'll never be a perfect mama and I have years and years....and years!....of learning to do. But I do know that it is a process and one that, while it does technically happen overnight, is cultivated over time with love, trials, mistakes, learning, humility, and even more love.