get real.

May 20, 2013


 
Day 20. Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

The easier topic might have been what are you not struggling with right now. I'd be able to sum that one up pretty quickly with a paragraph. I think I'm in a personal growing season in my life where I'm working through quite a bit.

I struggle with several specific things. I also struggle with things I thought I was done struggling with a few years ago, but that have crept up and left my mind reeling. I struggle...with the fact that I struggle so much.

While contemplating a few of the struggles I have and trying to pick one to discuss, I realize that they all lead to deeper issues and my heart is just not ready to go there yet for everyone I know to see. That being said, I'd like to touch on a few just on the surface in hopes of either letting you know a little more about me or maybe even allowing you to associate with some of them.

-I've struggled with depression since my freshman year of college. College was a miserable time for me in a lot of ways because of this. Many of my struggles compound under this.

-I struggle with my view of men. There are only a few men I've ever met that I haven't had a complete disdain for, and even they're not completely excluded from that category. I often teeter somewhere between, "I don't need your help. You're not better than me and I can do it myself, thanks'"and "That guy was such a jerk. He didn't even open the door and offer to help". I also have to remind myself that not every man is a disgusting pig who ogles and objectifies women.

-I struggle with the "church". As a recovering "legalist", I've had to completely reexamine the entire foundation upon which my relationship with the Lord was built. It's been a rough past few years spiritually speaking and I've had to work through a lot. God has been faithful in bringing people into my life who He has used and is still using to help me in the exact ways I've needed.

-I struggle with my role as a stay-at-home-mom and wife. Not in a career vs. home battle, but a battle over what I do while at home. I do the things I do because I love my husband, not out of some obligatory "that's what women do" type of deal. I consider my responsibilities at home just as important as what my husband does 40 hours a week, and in fact have to remind myself to stop working late into the evening and on weekends. For this reason, I refuse to treat him like he's my child or do some things for him that he's fully capable of doing himself.  On the other hand, I am called to serve others, my husband included. And of course, I love him and love helping out. Most days, I'm still trying to find a balance. 

-I struggle with body image. I'm aware constantly than I don't "live up" to the standards that society sets to fit into the category of "sexy". I'm not cellulite-free, smooth all over, or a size 2. I'm angry these standards have been set, yet I still hold myself to them!


See what I mean when I said each struggle had it's own, deep root system of issues? Most connect in some way, some are new, some are old, and some have changed. Above all this, my daily goal is to surrender to the Spirit, LOVE, walk in the truth of reality, and cut my perfectionist self some slack.

What are a few of your struggles? Can you relate to any of these? 


 


2 comments:

  1. Found you through the blog challenge...really appreciated this post. I could relate to many in this post! Thank you for sharing. I am a new follower so that I can keep reading some of your great posts.

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  2. Oddly enough, I relate to most of these! Especially dealing with depression, body image and issues with men. thanks for sharing...

    xo,
    Katie
    hellolittlebean.com

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