Dumbmills and Treadbells

Apr 27, 2010

Tonight I ran. Tonight I ran more than usual. Tonight I pushed a little more than usual. Tonight I pushed with my all my might. Then....as I get off the treadmill to walk over to get some water my ears start ringing and suddenly sound is muffled. The bounce of the basketballs, the referee whistles, and the cheering crowd below me slowly start to fade. All I can hear is the trickling of the water and the vibrating of the water fountain. And that, folks, was when I lost my hearing.

That's not true.

But my ears did feel weird. And I did feel a bit like I was floating. And the stuff about the sounds was all true.

Thinking about things like what we hear, what we don't hear, nerves, neurons, synapses, chemical gradients, leads me to think about how magnificent the body really is. I mean...have you ever read about breastfeeding? How about a mom breast feeding two kids - who are different ages? Do you KNOW what the mom's body does? It produces different kind of milk for the each baby/infant and the body just knows which one to produce according to which baby is...there. I mean...I dare you to try and tell me that's not seriously amazing. Or how about the brain? for sake of more normal conversation It does things that would boggle itself. If we really take a look at LIFE, how could we assume anything but a perfect Creator? Seriously. I mean, from the glass half full perspective, we truly are marvelous creations.

Anyways, I digress.

I got quite a bit accomplished today. It feels great to know that some of the things I was worrying so much about the past few days were able to be crossed off my list (the list I keep in my organizer...that I spend time organizing. Tell me that isn't weird) in a matter of a few hours of diligent work. Diligent work meaning I only checked Facebook a total of two times. That's progress, people. So I end this day with a tiny little pat on my own back for getting things done, some time in the Word, and an adieu. to you. and you. and yes, even you.


Apr 23, 2010

I'll admit, I was kind of reluctant to start this blog. I didn't want this to be a diary type of deal, where I just write about all my emotions and complain about the day. 

Not that I do that sort of thing in my own diary...

Anyway, I ultimately want this to be a sort of testimony of my life. If only for me, I'll be able to read back in a couple of years and remember little things, big things,what  how I felt about something, what God has done in my life, and the fun, hard, sad, trying, joyful, bring me to my knees, utterly moving moments along the way. 

In three and a half weeks I will officially be a college graduate with a B.S. in Psychology. Whoa. It's been a interesting road that has led to where I am now...not always the best, definitely not terrible. A growing experience? MOST definitely. From here on, I've got a summer that awaits. No work, no school. 

JUST time to relax. reach out. love. search. grow. make a difference. create. sleep. try a new recipe. make more jewelry. spend time with others. give. think. rest. wait. go. read. dream even more. DO.

Graduate school begins in a couple months. I'm getting a new apartment at some point. God is stretching me, growing me, and showing me SO many things. I can only look forward with excitement at what's going to happen next.

Funny thing...last weekend the Holy Spirit brought to my mind Romans 8:28 on a particularly rough night. It says, "And we know that in God all things work together for good for those who love him and who have been called according to His purpose".

Recently, I've made some pretty tough life decisions in order to live fully according to God's purpose for my life. The next day, I was flipping through the pages of a devotional book at church and the first page I turned to had this verse and this verse only smack dab on the middle of the page. That night, the pastor spoke out of Romans 8. I'm pretty sure God was trying to tell me something, don't you? I HAVE to believe that verse. I CHOOSE to believe the promises of God. He never fails and could never disappoint me, no matter how many times I fail.  That promise is why I am excited about the future and the next couple months. I'm ready for an adventure. And by golly, I'm going on one.


I have recently begun making jewelry. I surprised myself and even made a little website. It has been one of the most enjoyable hobbies - come to think of it one of the only hobbies-  I have gotten into in the past few years. Soon, I'll be moving to an apartment that I get excited just thinking about. When I think about pursuing this jewelry thing further, the OCD and "Type A" side of me comes out and I actually get excited thinking about how I'm going to organize my beads and supplies. Sick, I know! Take a look at this picture.
I think angels must sing progressively louder and sweeter as each drawer opens.

This is the junk.

Anne Frank

Apr 22, 2010

"Today, the sun is shining, the sky is a deep blue, there is a lovely breeze and I am longing - so longing for everything. To talk, for freedom, for friends, to be alone. 

And I do so long....to cry! I feel as if I am going to burst, and I know that it would get better without crying, but I can't, I'm restless, I go from room to room, breathe through the crack of a closed window, feel my heart beating, as if it is saying, can't you satisfy my longing at last.

I believe that it is spring within me, I feel that spring is awakening, I feel it in my whole body and soul. It is an effort to behave normally. I feel utterly confused. I don't know what to read, what to write, what to do, I only know that I am longing."

- Anne Frank


Campus Church tonight was so good. Lately, I've been attempting to wrap my head around everything happening in my life - both on the surface and spiritually.  Let's recap.

I graduate college in about three weeks. Between now and then I have about 1.64 million tasks to accomplish.

In 16 days, my younger sister is getting married. On top of that I, as the MOH, have to give a speech mid the tears and distorted crying face.

In about 5 weeks, I move out of my current apartment and either back home for a short time or straight to a new apartment in the town where I will be spending the next few years working on my Masters. 

I've started my own little jewelry-making site and have been making and trying to sell jewelry. Two weddings booked so far.

Aside from that, I've had a rough past two weeks. All of this packed into about a month's worth of time could make anyone go slightly neurotic. However....

Tonight I was reminded to focus on what really, truly matters - being in tune to why I was created in the first place. We worshipped our Creator the entire service. As I've tried to grasp everything that's going on spiritually and emotionally lately, I've needed to remind myself to take a breather, do what I know needs to be done, set good priorities, and focus on MY relationship with God...not YOUR relationship with God. Even during a worship service I get so distracted by others and even my own thoughts. I'm working on total abandon of everything but my heart, soul, and mind - focused in like the lens of a camera on the one thing that can bring me clarity and that is the true person and nature of Christ.

I was reminded of several things today. Here they are..
Worrying is saying I don't trust God enough to handle my problems.
The Spirit has power to do things I can't even imagine. Ask in faith and He promises to be faithful. Ashamedly, I underestimate the power of God so many times.
I'm often a hypocrite, darn it.
My ideal future, path, husband, family, life - I don't have to settle for anything less. God put those specific desires in my heart for a reason - HE wants those same things for me, too.
I have family members who aren't believers....He's putting them on my mind for a reason.
God loves me unconditionally. Whoa. That's not even heard of anymore.

It's funny how much God will tell you when you actually CHOOSE to listen.