one of those months...

Aug 7, 2010

Ever have one of those months where you feel like so much has gone on that you can't even think straight? This past month, or really all summer, has been that way for me. 

You know that Biology class I had to take this summer (for a second time)? You know...the one that I had to pass or I can't accept a job offer (because it requires a degree)? You know..the one that I got up at 8am for five weeks for? 

Yeah. I ashamedly didn't get a good enough grade to transfer to LU so they can finally say I officially have my B.S. in Psychology. I'm taking the CLEP version of that this Tuesday and praying on my knees that I can recall enough Biology to pass. I'm not stupid, really I'm not. I think I'm just READY TO BE DONE. I got out of the studying/school mode. 

And the teacher was a complete hardball. So were her tests!

As I've been praying I've really had to surrender the situation to God. I'm not sure why I'm facing a struggle in this, but I know His way is best. My job from here on out is to do the best darn job I can and leave it in His hands. I've had to willingly and on purpose acknowledge that God knows what's going on and that I can't do this in my own strength.

Aside from that, I've been a little stressed with work (like it's really that hard) and some other personal issues. I feel like I can't think straight or remember what I did a mere day before. 

Also, I feel that lately God's really been trying to get my attention about my purpose in life. I am determined not to waste my life. I don't want to find myself 70 and wonder what I've done for God and if I've truly carried out his plan for my life. In the next year our so, and even now, I'll be facing some pretty big life decisions about careers, marriage, my calling, etc. I feel like I've gotten so off-track with my daily walk with God that it's greatly affecting every other area of my life. 

I need some quite time with my Creator..some peace and quiet with the One who holds my world in His hands and is saying to me, "If you would only trust me and invest in getting to know Me better...daily..and My plan for you, you'd find yourself in my'd be A-okay, love." ........or something like that, anyways.

I'm not working for the next two weeks.

I have another job interview Monday, the test on Tuesday, then I'm leaving for out of town for almost a week and a half. So during that time of being out of town, I'll be attending an 80th birthday party for Michael's grandpa and I'll be babysitting my two cousins. 

Sometime in that time I plan to just get alone, go somewhere, leave the TV off and turn my cell phone off and just pray, meditate, read Scripture, and rest. I need it. My relationship with my Father needs it.

Until then, I'll be picking up the rest of my marbles!


  1. praying for you as you seek God's will and "pick up your marbles".

  2. I can totally relate to this in so many ways. Sometimes life can seem so overwhelming and complete distract us from our relationship with God. When really and truly, when life becomes complicated that's when we need to focus on our relationship with God the most. I certainly know this is a struggle in my own life. Hang in there and continue to pray that God will grant you peace and understanding. Know that He has your best interest at heart and He loves you immeasurably! :)